rain rain go away & dude,we are not rude

it rains in spain mainly in the plains. but in mumbai it rains and rains.as a young boy of fifteen when i first stepped on the soil of the then Bombay,I didn't realise that i would eventually be settling down in this city which we have come to like so much.i was overawed by the monsoon.every year without fail it would commence in the first week of June coinciding with the announcement of the ssc results.and it would pour endlessly.sometimes for days together without stop.life would go on.children will put on their overcoats and continue going to school,collegians to their colleges and officegoers would take it in their stride and report for work.in mumbai,life goes on without stop. this year too it came on 1st june but then after a few days it just disappeared.it has come back with a bang and hopefully will continue till about naariyal purnima day. overflowing of the lakes at that time is an indication that the monsoon has been good and that the city will have no serious water problem for another year.

last year on 27th july we had about 1000mm of rains in 36 hours.it was an unprecedented deluge. a diaster which no mumbaikar can forget.the people's response to this was unforgettable.everyone tried to help the other person.many walked throughout the night to reach their hoimes.many were stranded in buses and cars till daybreak many citizens offered tea,biscuits and shelter to their unfortunate brothers and sisters.there was not a single criminal incident.

the recent reader's digest survey concluding that mumbai is the rudest city in the world came to me as a shock.it is bunkum.people here may not be westernised.they may not say "excuse me" or "thank you" or show niceties for women by getting up and offering their seat in a bus or a train.they may be quite crude.but that doesn't make them rude.in the last 46 years of mumbai that i have seen i have hardly come across any rude behaviour by anyone.on the contrary the average mumbai manoos is a very friendly and helpful person. he cares.the response on 26/7 last year is proof enough of the civility of the mumbaikar.new york or london or miami is no patch. i wonder how a magazine like rd could have published such a survey. were they seeking publicity to neutralise their sagging sales? readers certainly don't digest.

it has been raining continuously for the last three days.last night watching tv i had horrific visions of last year's catastrophe.hence my prayer.to the rain gods.don't be so harsh on us.and don't make us go through what we experienced last year.

bmc has become none the wiser.last year's experience hasn't taught them much.roads are clogged,traffic moves at snail's pace,potholes everywhere and people now are scared to venture out fearing getting stranded. doesn't speak highly of the administrators who want to make mumbai a shangai!

kumbakonam(ing)

it sounds like wyoming .no,it is not in usa. it is in india. deep down south. a long six and half hours drive from chennai. the town is called kumbakonam. it is a temple town .famous for its oppilliappan temple and aaravamudan temple.both lord vishnu temples.the people of kumbakonam are supposed to be very intelligent. and cunning too .in the old days this word was incorporated in the oxford english dictionary and meant 'the act of being cunning'. and there is a flourishing silk trade in this dusty town.

my mama's last beti(he has five of them) got married on 28th june. on the 29th i had an important board meeting in kolkata .almost a hobson's choice. but then thanks to easier flying these days and good roads, i made it to both.
first the wedding. it was a typical iyengar marriage. welcoming the bridegroom, kasi yatrai,maalaimarthal,oonjalaadudal,palikai,rakshabandanam,kanyadaanam, mangalyapujai,mangalyadharanam,paanigrahanam,saptapadi,homam,ammi middittal and aashirvaadam.there were many emotional scenes,with my mama in tears during kanyadanam and hema sobbing while hari was tying the knot.met a lot of relations.had the typical kalyana sappadu and drove back to chennai.reached around 8.30 and was up early morning next day to take the kolkata flight.

i had never driven so much in the south at a stretch. and i passed through cuddalore,pondicherry,kaaraikaal, seerkazhi,chidambaram,mayalaaduthurai(mani shanker iyer's constituency). cuddalore was badly devastated on 24th dec 2004 when the tsunami hit south india. nagapattinam and velankanni also took the brunt. though i was in the heart of chettinad, i had no time to stop and savour the famous chettinad cuisine.pondicherry was a french colony,french is still being taught and is also spoken by some of the locals .and it is one of the best cities in south india.

it was a pity i couldn't visit the temples around tanjore due to paucity of time. i must visit them . my sister-in-law told me that she has already visited 106 out of the 108 divya deshams spread throughout the length and breadth of our country. for sri vaishnavas from the south it is an important soulsatisfying achievement. the other two divya deshams are not reachable in mortal form.thus ended my soujourn to the bastion of the tambrahms.tanjore.it has produced outstanding and brilliant people."it is the cauvery silt", said my friend kk.

KABHI KHUSHI,KABHI GAM

it is more than a fortnight now when the first monsoon rains lashed mumbai this year. for starters it was quite a downpour. it took everyone by surprise.and the bmc was totally unprepared for an early onset of rains. the result was a bit of a nightmare on the roads due to clogging traffic. thankfully the rains receded and things cleared up. but it did send a shiver down everyone's spine. a repeat of 27/7 of last year? after that initial show of fury,the rains have disappeared. we want it now as it has become unbearbly warm.the metereologists have been forecasting that the monsoon is around the corner and that it would commence any day now. the earlier the better.

the other day,as usual,i took our dogs for their morning walk. i looked up at the sky. it was a bit overcast but didn't look as if it would rain. they love this outing. i take them to the oval maidan,which is bang-on opposite our house,and once they are safely inside,i let them free. they have a great time running around to their heart's content.cherry loves to chase balls. i throw them and she runs,picks it up and returns it to me .i got a frizbee for them from bangalore. but then in the first use itself it got chewed. i also got those rubber balls which make a noise when they are pressed.they also got mauled by cherry.i know when she is tired and that 's the time to return home. mango runs too but he doesn't like to chase balls. he is a bit of a loner,not as friendly and affectionate to strangers as cherry but a very lovable character. and after i bring them back and k takes them to wash them up i go to the nearby milk kiosk for buying our daily milk requirement. the milk boy has gone to his 'muluk' and in a way i am happy. it gives me that extra walk. i actually need to walk and exercise much more.

in the mik booth,i was in for a bit of a shock.milk prices were raised just like that by 2rs from rs 15/litre to rs 17/litre. no reasons given for a 15% increase. do we have a choice? i quietly accepted the hike,paid up and returned home. in my young days when i grew up at kolkata,even a 1np increase in bus fares would result in scores of buses being torched by the public. is our reaction today a sign of maturity or meek acceptance? i don't know. when i returned home, i asked gb for my cuppa tea. adrak et al. i sipped and almost threw up. instead of sugar,she had added salt. when i complained she insisted it was sugar. so,i went to the kitchen,and had a look at the jar .it looked sugar alright.then why the salty taste. the mystery was quickly unravelled.she had topped up the salt jar the previous day with sugar by mistake.

after the milk shock,this was a double whammy. literally rubbing salt into my wounds.

i asked gb to throw out the whole stuff. she thought for a while and said " nahin saheb,main rakkoongi.aapko jabi neembupani chahiye,thoda milaan doongi.thoda namak aur thoda sakkar. aapko donon ka taste saath mein mil jayega"

two in one.that is gb's innovation.

kabhi khushi,kabhi gam.

'dootho laalujeee deejiye pleeez'

politics is a great leveller.one moment your star is in the ascendency and in another your are down in the dumps.laalu prasad yadav, ex cm of bihar,and now a cabinet minister in the central government knows this better than anyone else.he is not the one to be dispirited by his setbacks. as a matter of fact he fights and comes back bouncing. known for heading the most corrupt goverment in bihar for more than a decade and for shielding murderers,rapists and other criminals he has umpteen cases against him for amassing wealth disproportionate to his known sources of income.he was even sent to jail for a period of time but managed to get bail.that he lived a 5 star life in prison is a different story.

the media is in love with him.he has a native sense of humour and is quick on the repartee.he often gets painted as a clown or as a joker.surely,he must be hurt about his negative image.at the same time,the very fact that people want to see,hear,feel and chew more of laalu gives him one helluva kick.

in an earlier posting,i had written about laalu dolls a la barbie dolls.it had become a craze.and then there were laalu khainis(tobacco) which also became an instant hit. and the latest to hit the stands is lalu toffee. called 'laalu ka khazana' it has become a big hit with the children.like laalu himself,laalu toffees are soaring in popularity.they are available in rs1 and rs2 sachets.the wrapper is colourful and it carries two different caricatures of lalu-one as a politician and another as a magician.in the last three months about 300,000 packets of 'lalu ka khazana' have been sold in his homestate- muzzafarpur,chapra,gopalganj,madhubani and darbangha.lalu chocolates are even being hoarded.

when asked whether he has tasted his toffee,he replied 'i have heard about it. you taste it and let me know how good it is".
brand laalu has established it self.and shrewd businessmen are capitalising on it. the railway minister's rusticness and down to earth commonsense have impressed the high and mighty too. laalu himself is quite gung-ho these days with a dramatic turnaround in the finances of the railways'. ge chairman jeffery immelt and iim (a) faculty have praised him to the hilt.
when he visited pakistan a few years ago he became so popular that he was the envy of other indian politicians. there is a joke that lalu and bill clinton got on very well. once when he visited the white house,he decided to learn english from clinton.they were locked up in a room for many days and nights .people wondered what was happening. finally a dishevelled clinton emerged speaking the bhojpuri dialect!

his wife rabri(sweet) is a great source of strength for him.after all when he had to resign the post of cm when he was neck-deep in various scams,he played the masterstroke of appointing his wife rabri as the leader of their rjd party and she became the cm.that caught everone unawares.she was a homemaker,illiterate and knew nothing of politics .she carried the mantle as cm for a full term.

his brand value is no less than sachin tendulkar's or bigB's or even mahender singh dhoni's who hails from the same region. soon laalu will start asking for his pound of flesh. no free lunches anymore for the clever businessmen.

THE HIGH FLYER

Like the Kingfisher bird,Vijay Mallya is flying high.Liquour continues to remain his core business. In the last decade he has consolidated his position in the domestic liquour industry and has successfully steered his company United Breweries as the leader of the pack.He has acquired some international brewery and distillery brands and even pubs in the UK .Recently he acquired controlling interest in Shaw Wallace & Co and is the no 1 in the beer and whisky business in India. These businesses are very profitable and he has used his earnings intelligently to build a huge pile of cash for acquisitions,expansions and diversification.

Almost 20 years ago he setup an electronics unit in Orissa which failed.He went into software and acquired an American company and if I am right it is still listed in the Nasdaq.He acquired Berger Paints' South African unit and has a presence in that country. He has very recently bid for the French distillery Tattlinger and is looking at China seriously.Tattlinger will give UB a strong foothold in Europe by bringing world famous brands under its umbrella. China has at the low end home made country liquour and at the high end imported scotch whisky.There is in between a huge market waiting to be tapped.

Vijay Mallya's noteworty diversification and extension of the Kingfisher brand has been his foray into the aviation industry. Kingfisher Airlines which he started about a year ago is riding the economic boom in India as more and more people have resorted to travelling by air. 25 million seats growing at 20% per annum is a big market. In fact, encouraged by the economic growth and the rise in per capita income and disposable surplus in the hands of the middle class population, many new companies like Air Deccan,Go,Spice etc have ventured into this field based on market forecast for the next decade. And most of them have adopted the budget traveller business model. Price the ticket as cheap as possible and therefore affordable to more and more people. It has become a volume game. Have ticket,will travel.

Vijay Mallya did some solid homework. He commissioned IMRB to assess a possible niche in the flyer market .IMRB interviewed about 2500 frequent flyers aged 21 to 45 years in the top 15 metros.The findings? Very interesting. People wanted a young,trendy,fun and yet a premium product. He decided to capitalise on the tremendous brand equity of Kingfisher and do two things: 1) extend Kingfisher brand into aviation and 2) focus on young business travellers.

Vijay Mallya has chosen to take the premium route. His tickets are competitive but not cheap.But he promises superior service and an experience to remember. In a short period he has captured the imagination of those who look for alternatives to Indian Airlines and Jet Airways. A la Richard Branson, the flamboyant and charismatic Vijay Mallya wants to make Kingfisher Airlines the numero uno in the Indian Aviation industry. He has also set up a company in the USA and plans to have regular flights to India. To meet his ambitious plans he has ordered a huge number of aircrafts and has even recently ordered and procured the latest Airbus A380.

Vijay Mallya has cleverly leveraged on the brand equity of Kingfisher beer by using the same name and logo for his airlines. Marketing gurus would call this approach as brand extension. ITC and Brittania are examples of companies who have ridden on their exixsting brands to create new businesses successfully. Of course there are many more examples.

Very recently he had a big bash in Mumbai for the inauguration of the Romanovo brand of vodka from the UB stable. He introduced actor Shilpa Shetty as Romanovo's new ambassador.

The King has caught a sweet fish.

SMELLY,SMELLIER,SMELLIEST

maybe it has got something to do with the weather. maybe not.

a recent survey conducted in uk for a car freshner manufacturer by smell expert david prybus revealed some interesting facts. car smells were ranked on a scale of 1 to 10.putrid to pleasant. the worst were from leeds and edinburgh while those from slough smelled the sweetest. the pungency in the rogue cars were from cigarettes,drinks cans,left over foods,and blankets which had locked in cat/dog odours. david prybus concluded that with temperatures going north,odours will make their presence felt more,hence it would be advisable that car owners do a thorough spring cleaning.

commuters in the far east in manila,phillipines are recently 'up in arms' against public drivers-bus,train and taxi whose stench has become unbearable. the authorities are advising the drivers to take a bath and apply deo. bus drivers negotiating the humid streets of manila have something more to worry about than their armpits. the utilities felt that their drivers must be presentable and should not drive barefooted and topless and wearing shorts. they must maintain decorum and seek medical advice for armpit odour,though a bath a day and some 'tawas' or deodarant should do the trick. come mid-may and the setting in of the monsoon, the stink will fly away. the devil is in the 35 celsius heat.

once voted to be the sexiest man alive,hollywood actor brad pitt is in the shithouse .he is no more hot. he stinks. he has made it to the unsexiest 100 men in the world. what a fall! and why? because he allegedly smells bad. he has hygiene and bo issues. but then he is not in really bad company. others accompanying him in the gallery include,bill gates,osama bin laden,michael jackson,ralph nader and art garfunkel.

budhia,the wunderkid

he ran and ran and ran.the full distance of 65 kms from bhubaneshwar to puri in the state of orissa,india in 7.02 hours on may 2 . it seems that he has run this full stretch nine times in 2005 and that is nothing unusual if he was a normal runner. he wasn't. he is only 4 years young. some reports said his age is three and some said it is five. i chose to take the mean of four. an extraordinary achievement in the summer heat. it went straight into the limca book of records. the world was aghast.it has triggered flak from human rights activists. and many still believe it is a hoax.

the kid was unmaintainable by his impoverished mother who sold him for rs 800. the saviour and surrogate father one day asked him to run around a particular place as a mild punishment for some mischief that budhia had done. and the father forgot about it. when he came back after several hours he found the boy still 'on the run'.that was when the father,biranchi das,a local judo teacher, who became his coach discovered his unusual stamina and realised the hidden potential of a 'marathon runner'.

the rest is history.there was lot of media attention as usual.the state government stepped in and had him medically examined.then the orissa government announced that budhia will not be allowed to run given his poor health condition. and the father and coach swore to polish the uncut diamond and realise his true value.

a four-minute musical cd in oriya has been made in which he has been compared with lord krishna. and foster entertainment of hollywood has shown keen interest in making a movie on budhia's life. besides being shown by all news channels in india, a french tv channel has shot a documentary on budhia. touch production's ltd uk has invited budhia to london to produce a documentary on him. and for the moment budhia has been placed in the seventh heaven.

as expected there is a raging debate going on whether he should have run at all. what would have happened if he had collapsed and died. collapse he did when he reached the destination. how could the coach be so selfish and indifferent and put to risk the young kid's life? is he trying to attain fame and money at budhia's cost?

we must not get carried away by these insinuations and we must take an impassionate look and judge the case on its merits. firstly,it is a fantastic achievement.the crp personnel were running along with budhia and the record appears to be genuine. secondly,we must accept that there is the hallmark of a runner in him and take steps to encourage the growth of the talent. by giving him the material means for proper nutrition,comfortable living and the infrastructure for coaching and nurturing the talent.

here is a chance for a poor slum boy to make it big.for god's sake let us not play spoilsport .we must allow this extraordinarily gifted child to keep his date with history.

run budhia,run.

and even as la affaire budhia has not yet died down,the state of orissa has earned the unique distinction of having yet another child running 38 km from pipli to puri in about five and a half hours. dilip rana,12,is a class eight student of a local school. unlike budhia, dilip rana started running only a fortnight ago,perhaps inspired by budhia's exploits .he practised for nearly seven hours every day under the watchful eyes of his uncle and coach shaikh zakir. dilip took only water and grapes while he kept jogging the 38 km stretch and was accompanied by about ten youngsters.

orissa is now in the world map for not only its ironore reserves but for its potential marathon runners.

bravo,orissa!

BUDDHA SHINING AND SMILING

The recent landslide victory of CPI(M) in the state elections in West Bengal has made one point very clear. That Budddhadeb Bhattacharya, the CM, has effectively come out of the shade of the octogenarian leader Jyoti Babu and that he is his own master. Providing leadership from the front, he has in a short period after taking over the reins,transformed West Bengal from a dying state to a vibrant one. In Bengali they say,"praan ta abar eshegayche". The vital breath has come back.That is the state of West bengal today.

WB is clocking a per capita income growth rate of 5.4%. Which is exceptional. Very few states can match WB's growth. Iron&Steel,IT,Petrochemicals and Agribusiness & food processing are the new growth industries. Manikanchan,a gem and jewellery park of world class has been set up in Salt Lake City. Also Asia's largest leather complex has come up in the outskirts of Kolkata. The Salim group of Indonesia is setting up a 2 wheeler plant. A light engineering park,a food processing park and a rubber park are all being established. The WB government is wooing investors with subsidised land and other incentives.

Honest to the core,BB is a man of simple habits and tastes,a typical Bengali bhadralok,living in a two room apartment in South Kolkata. He has impressed political and business leaders all over the world by the style in which he has gone about his job to make West Bengal an investment attraction for industrialists and entrepreneurs. Ratan Tata,Ashim Premji,Narayana Murthy, and other captains of industry have praised him to the hilt for his businesslike efficiency in making WB catch up in the growth league with other States.

Post independence, West Bengal was the number 1 state in industrial growth.Late B C Roy had done a great job as the first CM. When the communists came to power much later,they brought about major land reforms and improved the lot of the poor people in the rural areas. But then the Naxalite movement in the late 60s and early 70s forced industrialists to rundown their local units and start new ventures in other States.The work culture had also deteriorated to an abysmal level. Kolkata folded under the pressure of refugees from East Pakistan first and Bangladeh later and without the required infrastructure the rot set in.

This decade has seen a transformation which no one in their wildest dreams would ever have imagined. Buddhababu constantly chants "aamar fdi (foreign direct investment) chaai". That has been his mantra."I want fdi". Last year BB visited Italy and other European countries to attract foreign investment. WB Government has entered into a partnership with an Indonesian conglomerate,the Salim group, for building a huge residential cum shopping complex. Infosys and Wipro are investing in a big way and Tatas are likely to set up a manufacturing plant. Jindals and Mittals have shown keen interest too. Even the ex cricket captain of Australia,Steve Waugh,who has adopted an orphange in Kolkata,is considering investment in a cricket training complex.

BB had an excellent rapport with L.K.Advani when the BJP was in power. When LKA used to praise BB,it was generally considered to be an embarrassment as both the parties are sworn enemies. Similarly,his relationship with Manmohan Singh is very warm. MS too lavished praises on him when he found in him a champion in opening up the State's economy and in going through the painful process of economic reforms. His is a brand of Marxism heavily borrowed from Deng Xu Ping Of Communist China.A bit of plagiarism,one would say. But then anyone can hardly complain.

BB wants more investments to come into the state,more jobs to be created,and wants labour to enhance productivity. Reform,perform or perish. Guardian and FT covered him extensively and praised him for his outstanding leadership. The Marwaris of Kolkata love him because he understands their business language.

I often travel to Kolkata.Atleast once a month. Our registered office is located in Shakespeare Sarani and our Chairman sits in Kolkata . I can see the change that is transforming this great city. First is the building activity. Residential townships,flyovers,roads,multistoreyed buildings,etc. Several five star hotels have comeup indicating the increase in tourist traffic. A new road has been built from Park Circus to Dum Dum which cuts the travelling time to the airport considerably.The metro is expected to be connected to Dum Dum soon. Raajar hat is a well planned sotware cum residential park. And then the Malls.There is a virtual retail boom. When I expressed my surprise seeing so many malls coming up,a knowledgeable friend of mine remarked,"this is just the tip of the iceberg".

In the old days,load shedding was a recurring phenomenon.No more.The State has adequate power by improving the PLF(plant load factor) and cutting down on distribution and transmisssion losses,an euphemism for power theft. It is blessed with plenty of water. In which other city in India can you find trams,local trains,underground tube,and a top-class airport. People of various religions and beliefs live together in peace and amity .And Kolkata is not expensive. No wonder everyone is making a beeline to West Bengal. And a friendly and supportive CM ably assisted by the Babudom can really work miracles and bring West Bengal back to the top position as the numero uno State.

Buddhababu is shining and deservedly smiling. A Laughing Buddha is supposed to bring good luck. We hope the smile on Buddhababu's face will soon transform into a laugh. And that should become West Bengal's icon. The Laughing Buddha.

IT'S A BRAND NEW WORLD AND INDIA HAS A LONG WAY TO GO

about eight weeks back i attended an inauguration of a new book on branding. written by tambrahm sridhar ramanujam.there are quite a few sridhars who have made a mark in the advertisement world. there is another ad guru r sridhar who was with o&m and left them to start a consultancy of his own.i had earlier heard about ramanujam sridhar,how he started his career in an accounting function,his working with a.g.krishnamurthy's mudra and later moving on to chennai and bangalore where he worked in o&m for many years.he is also an avid cricket fan. no,he is something more. he is a fanatic. like my eldest brother who fainted in the stands when mohun bagan scored a goal against east bengal in a first division league match about 50 years ago, sreedhar is very emotive about indian cricket. he is also extremely knowledegable. besides advertising, cricket was his passion.jokingly he would say that his family came later in that order.

the neatly packaged book 'one land,one billion minds' is no great shakes. no new theories or concepts. nothing esoteric or mindblowing. it is all plain vanilla stuff. there is lot of commonsense permeating the book. but then commonsense is uncommon. and the more we read such books we realise how very often we miss the woods for the trees. balakrishnan(balki) was the chief guest.he is the national advertising director of lowe. he had worked under sridhar when he started his career and therefore had some very kind words to say. the publisher srinivasamurthy was there to justify the high price of rs 950 for the book.

i happened to chat for a few minutes with the author and tried to impress him by saying that my daughter works for landor."oh,that design company in sf?" that was his reaction. i gave the feedback to l and l felt that is how many people in the ad world perhaps perceive it.

when the q and a time came,i asked the author whether there are any international indian brands.he said that he doesn't think any single indian brand can be seen on the global brand map. there are south korean and even chinese global brands but not indian.haeir,wahaha,master kong have become famous chinese brands.if you stretch it a bit,maybe 'taj' could be termed a global indian brand. period.

the other day i read an article on mohan murjani and the brands he has created. mm was born in 1946 in hyderabad,sind. he spent his formative years at pune with his grandmother,a very spiritual lady,and one who was deeply influenced by sadhu vaswani.he moved to hong kong and from there to new york and the rest is as they say is history. gloria vanderbilt, gucci, yves saint laurent, calvin klein, jimmy choo, tumi, build-a-bear are all his. i couldn't believe it. but then these are our entrepreneurs who ventured abroad,took risks and became successful."india is the place.i'd say'shut the door'.don't do a thing abroad. build here. this is the market". mohan is heavily betting on india.

ask vijay mahajan and he will say the same thing.vijay is a professor of marketing at the mccombs school of business,university of texas at austin.14% of the world's population of 6 billion plus lives in countries with a per capita gnp of 10k dollars plus.the market opportunities lie in the 86%. he has written a book titled "the 86% solution". "this century will see a celebration of brands coming from the 86% economies", says mahajan in his book which he has coauthored with kamini banga.

and in a recent 'esomar' conference held in mumbai, a team consisting of researchers from mckinseys said that brands that forge long term relationships with the consumer are the ones that do consistently well in the marketplace.the brands that came to my mind were walt disney,harley davidson, walmart,coca cola, honda,nissan,lg,samsung,daewoo,lenovo,qoo(a fruit juice variant from coke),tiger beer to name a few. they said india failed on all counts -in 10 or so industries and categories across the board. after conducting loads of research and based on several parameters they concluded that there are no prominent indian brands in asia. the reason. no money or effort is made to promote the india tag.

we have a long way to go to create global brands and make it to the global marquee.

LOO AND BEHOLD

Surely,Lord Winston Churchill will turn in his grave when he hears this. A British company has been awarded a contract to clean loos at Churchgate Station,Mumbai. Not that our mehtars and mehtaranis(scavengers) have gone on strike. It is in spite of their doing their best. It is a massive problem. Seven lakh commuters every day passing through the station and the loo. The stink was "unsahikable" and "imporukable" as tams would say. lu(no pun intended) would vouchsafe to this statement,having done the commuting between Churchgate and Andheri for two full years.

The daily tabloids ran screaming headlines."The sun has set on the Britsh Empire"."The Raj has been done in"."India outsources loocleaning to UK".

Dinesh Kumar & Co of India has teamed up with Technical Concepts of UK, a hygiene solutions provider.Their first job was to clean up the Churchgate loo. Tech Concepts have installed 37 autojanitors in the gent's toilet after the revamp. Special biosense refills have been used to provide an "odour free" ambience. A special ducting system has been installed for ingress of fresh air.

A press report said "these heavily used urinals now have a refreshing whiff of fresh air". A transformation from a "stinking loo" to a" perfumed loo" it said.

I decided to test it out. Last Saturday,while returning home from work I dropped by. The corridor was not stinking. You didn't have to reach for your handkerchief. I entered the gent's toilet. It was "house full" and a slight stink was emanating.The stink was still there and not fully gone. But nevertheless a great improvement.

So,Mr Bill Yemc,MD of Tech Concepts has some homework left over to be done. He has to make it "zero stink". Till then the WR authorities should refrain from terming the experiment a "huge success". Bill Yemc is confident that the company would be able to provide sanitary solutions to customer's requirements!

A step in the right direction.

HALF-A-MILLION DOLLAR BABY CRUMBLES

It appeared too good to be true. At 16, Kaavya Vishwanathan had earned half a million dollars for a two-book deal from her publishers Little,Brown. A movie deal option from Dealworks. The chick-lit (designer labels,nasty girl gang,rebellious but cool boyfriends) and 'cliched' had fired the imagination of savvy marketeers. It had made sensational news and every Indian was justifiably proud of such a fantastic achievement. I had covered her in an earlier blog with Lavanya who too earned a huge anount of greenbucks with her debut novel. I was eagerly looking forward to read "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed,Got Wild and Got A Life". The shocking news arrived. For a moment I was stunned. Could it be true? Was it jealousy that was behind badnaming her? And what could be the consequences . It looked plain terrible to me.

The news first came out of Harvard itself. In their daily 'Harvard Crimson' as well as on the blogosphere. Kaavya after initially rejecting any such theft,quickly started making amends. She admitted to having read both the books and for having"internalised" some of the material she had read and blamed her photographic memory for its reproduction in her book. "I guess it's just been in my head". "I borrowed details from my life for the book-settings,descriptions,personality quirks from acquaintances-but the novel is entirely fiction".She didn't then say that she had helped herself generously from "Second Helpings". Later her PR machine swung into action to control the damage. She apologised to the author Megan McCafferty after admitting that she indeed had lifted several passages from teen novels "Sloppy First" and "Second Helpings" and the publishers Little Brown even agreeed to modify the next edition. The other side would have nothing of such compromise. Finally LB yielded and pulled the books out of the shelves. The last that I heard was that she may have to return some of the big bucks she received.

As a father of a child who went through the process of getting admission into a top US school,I know very well what it takes.Opal Mehta's story is very typical of an Indian family's obsession with admission to Ivy League,especially Harvard for their children.Marina Budhos has recently written a novel called 'AskMe No Question'. In that she says that Indian Americans have become very savvy at working the American system.They make sure that their kids go to the right schools,that they hire the right tutors etc etc. Kavya went through that process. Her parents spent apparently about 15,000 dollars on a private college counsellor. So she knew best what it takes and from all accounts she did a good job. It seems she was under tremendous pressure to complete the novel and that might have forced her to adopt such sharp practices. She literally had to pay for her folly.

Will Harvard continue to keep the sophomore student? The jury is still out on that. Probably yes,probably no. They cannot be seen to condone plagiarism. At the same time,she has apologised and even agreed to return some of the money. It is going to be a tough call for Harvard.

I feel sorry for Kaavya. She fell into a trap. It is easy to criticize her and say why did she cheat? Some would say she deserved it. How can you lifft 40 passages and similar situations from other novels? And do you expect to get away with it? I wish her publishers had done a check. Asked her these questions and made sure nothing was amiss. They failed to do that. Had they taken some trouble rather than pressurise Kaavya to get the manuscript out fastest,they could have saved all the eggs that have been thrown at their faces.

Soon, all this will be forgotten. The only way Kaavya can resurrect herself would be to write another novel. After all she is in good company. Hasn't Dan Brown of Da Vinci fame been charged for wordlifting? Martin Luther King pulled out one-third of his doctorate dissertation from other sources and even William Shakespeare has been accused of lifting whole plots from the classics.

And for all you know she may even get a better deal than half a million US dollars.

2 for 1

yesterday morning when i was quickly going through the 'midday' in my office,a small ad placed on top of the first page caught my attention. two meals for one it said. 2 for 1.' rajdhani' was inviting midday readers with this attractive offer.having been to rajdhani many years ago,and realising that i had no definite plans for lunch,it didn't take long for me to decide.i called my marketing chief on the intercom and suggested that we go out for lunch.he was quite thrilled.

rajdhani is located near crawford market. i had read in the papers about the huge arrivals of alphonso mangoes at crawford market and the drop in their prices.i jogged my memory to recall the name of the fruit vendor whom i had met about 6 months back and also whom i had covered in an article in dna.i had also written about him in my blog.the name came back in a flash.dasarath mane.our stock at home was over and i was going to kill two birds with one stone. 2 in 1.

we set off at 1.30 and within ten minutes of driving we were there. but then there was a huge rush. the owner was apologetic and requested us to hang around for some time. inside it was chocoblock.there was a nice canopy outside which gave us some shade against the strong sun. we waited for about twenty minutes for our call. we were ushered in fast to a twoseater. the thali appeared in no time and then the waiters descended with hot puris,rotis,dokla,bhajiya,kadi,et al. then came khichdi with ghee followed by aamras. the meal was thoroughly enjoyable. fast service,piping hot food,courteous waiters,good ambience,comfortable airconditioning and even a jug and bowl to wash your hands after your meal. all for rs 125/2=rs 62.5. not a bad deal.

good and heavy food has to be followed by a good digester.we had pan.kalkatta meetha from the paanwalla just outside. and it was time to call on dasarath mane.he was overjoyed to see me and quickly took out the best aapoos-four dozens of them and packed them nicely in a wooden caase.i trusted him so much that i didn't have to check the quality out.it was all over in a breeze.the cost rs 700.he gave me a bit of advice.saab,please come again within the next four weeks.till then the quality will remain good and the prices too. come may end and the arrivals will start reducing and once the monsoon sets in it is finito for the year.

i felt elated.i had bought the best of mangoes,ratnagiri aapoos. s loves them too. only one fundamental precaution we take when we eat more than one. drink milk simultaneously .otherwise there could be a storm in the stomach!

arts & crafts exhibition at wtc

last saturday i was to meet l at about 4.30 in the afternoon at leela. we had a houseguest from hyderabad who had taken a stall at the 'times art and design fair 2006' which was being held from april 20th. and sunday was the last day. i decided to spend a few hours at wtc after working hours.being a half day the whole plan fitted in very well.

there is a big advantage in going to these exhibitions.you see a plethora of products all in one location.the exhibitors try to showcase their best products and prices are much less than in their showrooms and always negotiable.honestly,i am quite fond of bargaining.in fact,if i have bought any object without bargaining,i find that i have missed out something.but,i had no plans to buy anything this time.s had warned me that if i buy any stuff for the house,something else had to go out.the law of reverse vaccum will have to operate. my only reason for attending this exhibition was to be courteous to our lady-guest and kill a few hours before taking off for leela to meet l.

some of these exhibitions turn into big jamborees.particularly the ones that are held at the bandra-kurla complex.batallions of families visit the stalls,they aimlessly wander,women with babes in their arm and generally overdressed move around as if there is a purpose in their visit. the food stalls attract more people than the exhibit stalls. the crowd is loud and the place gets suffocating. i tend to avoid such places .s likes to go once in a while just on the last day and pick up some artefacts at very good prices.

this time though the crowd was limited,the visitors were generally serious,and the airconditioning was working,which made my short stay very comfortable.there were furniture stalls displaying ancient carved windows,antiques etc,tanjore paintings, bridal wear,crystal ware,crockery and cutlery,bronze and copper figures of gods and goddesses,temples for pooja rooms,designer and ethnic jewellery,designer sarees,kolkata kantha sarees,chandeliers,sculptures,stained glass art, terra cotta,tousseau etc etc. i visited our guest's stall(mystique designs) and i was quite impressed with the products she was marketing. it was flora art. it is an art form where natural flora and fauna are used to create portraits,lampshades,tableware,picture frames etc.by a technology called 'potting'. the freshness and originality of the colour are preserved for ever with a resin.

there were framed real flowers,bowls and dinner plates made out of real plaintain leaves, aestheticlly shaped tumblers and a melonshaped iceflask. the technology was developed by a scientist from sri lanka and it continues to remain a secret. the old man is alive and will not part with the technology. the original flowers,leaves,barks of trees remain as they were when they were plucked or removed.there is a chemical process involved to maintain the original colour,an anti fungal treatment and a physical process of creating a vaccum in between two fiber glass plates where the flower or leaf or bark is placed thereby not allowing any oxygen to go in,application of resin under the influence of infrared light and then sealing it to keep the object in its original state for eternity. the resin is manufactured only in germany,fibre glass sheets in belgium and the corse fibre used in the frames in australia .that is called globalisation! i decided to buy a fruit bow,a large plaintainleaf plate,small plates and tumblers.

i then picked up two sets of foldable wooden chairs and stools from a furniture stall.they were cute.i sat on them and found them comfortable,lifted them to see whether they were very heavy and keeping 'dignity homes' in mind decided to buy two sets of chairs and stools.they are space savers and will come in handy in the living rooms.

it was time to leave and when i was approaching the exit my eyes fell on some waist-high flowerpot stands beautifully hand and colour painted with rajasthani rural images. i lifted one piece to see how heavy it was. earlier when i was living in goa,i had bought many of these heavy objects which were made of terracotta and painted black. i was amazed as this one was very light. it was made of fibreglass. i decided to buy a pair.

l and s say i am a compulsive buyer.actually i never planned to buy anything in this exhibition. how is it then that i did so much of shopping? i was minus by about 20k. you need tremendous will power to resist from buying in these exhibitions.the sheer ease of buying and the competitive prices almost compel you to buy.i must admit that carrying a plastic credit card also does the trick.even if you go without any plan to buy,the convenience of having a large sum of money available in your pocket tempts you to indulge. but then a confluence of artisans,fashion designers,interior decor designers,sculptors from kashmir to kanyakumari and kolkata to kutch all under one roof can take place only in exhiibitions like these. and you fall a sucker.

in hindsight, i didn't do a bad job. i got full marks for all the items i purchased.the chairs and stools and the colour-painted flowerpot stands have been despatched to neral. and the flora and fauna stay with us . for eternity.

CODE NAME GOD

'code name god' by mani bhaumik. the spiritual odyssey of a man of science. it is not a book on religion. it is not a da vinci code type of book. it is a gripping reallife story of the author from rags to riches. dr mani bhaumik,a ph.d from iit kharagpur in physics and a post doctorate from UCLA and a co-patenter of the laser technology that has revolutionised eye correction by LASIK has seen it all.

he owns a bungalow and lives in beverly hills,and has four more. he led a fasttrack life when he made a huge fortune from his patent. he featured in the 'lifestyles of the rich and famous' serial. he had a romantic linkup with eva gabor. and then when the relationship broke up,he went into a long period of depression. his spiritual tool-kit enabled him to pull himself out from the vortex he was swirling in.

born in a a village in west bengal on a mud floor and son of a school teacher,mani bhaumik was a bright student. his father was a freedom fighter and mani spent some time in a mahatma gandhi camp. that left a deep impression on him. his family was religious and his parents and grandparents inculcated our traditional religious and cultural values into him. he listened to the translations of the vedas and upanishads and was struck with the saying "aham brahmasmi". i am part of brahman,the supreme power.

when there was a severe famine in west bengal,his family had hardly any food to eat. his grandmother gave away the little food that she received so that her grandson may live. that act left a lasting impression on the young mani. he realised during his personal crisis that happiness is an "inside job" and he began a serious study of the connection and complementarity between science and religion. the integration of mind and matter. the outcome of that study is the book that was released on monday 24th at crossword,kemps corner,mumbai.

dr bhaumik,76, is the founder of mani bhaumik educational foundation providing scholarships for the study of science and medicine to the poor and meritorious students. he continues to receive international recognition and he has rubbed shoulders with the high and mighty. he has successfully attempted to find a common platform between eastern mysticism and spirituality and western science. advances in quantum physics and cosmology are bringing science and religion closer to each other than ever before. as albert einstein said "science without religion is lame and religion without science is blind".

it is only 222 pages of easy reading. i recommend it strongly. it is published by penguin and is a 'los angeles times' best- seller.

FROM YOGA TO DOGA

yoga,the ancient indian practice of breathing,meditation and aasanaas has gained a lot of attention from the western world.americans are growing out of the crunchy stage of yoga to the starbucks stage.they are pursuing this market with a vengeance.asics yoga shoes,eileen fisher apparell and even ford motor company advertise in a big way in 'yoga journal'.and there is competition for hugger mugger and gaiam for yoga mats,incense,fancy accoutrements like eye pillows and yoga bags.trendy yoga pants and even tops to wear to class are increasingly getting snapped up .lulu lemon(?) and yoga works have 14 locations in southern california and new york.americans spend about 3 billion $ a year on yoga classes and associated products.while some say it is a labour of love others feel that while adhering to the yoga's healing principles they are also turning a profit. and when americans have taken to yoga,16.5 million of them,can you leave their pets behind?

am quite sure you have not heard of this word before.neither did i.till recently.'man's best friend is at last getting all the recognition he/she deserves.

dog food is now a billion dollar industry.there is dog soup,dog butter and even dog dessert.dog soaps,dog shampoos,dog talcum powder,dog toothbrush and toothpaste,,dog perfume etc etc .the list is endless.several boutiques are mushrooming in mumbai selling only dog products.when raveena tandon's dog got lost in mumbai sometime back, it was headline news.police swung into action immediately and the missing dog was traced.beauty clinics are also coming up in upmarket residential areas for dogs.they go for pedicure and massage. dogs are really on a roll. in japan,a retirement home has been set up for aged dogs.

last week there was a pet convention in japan.about 20000 people attended.called 'Pet show' 2006,it was held in chiba,east of tokyo.there was a stall where 'doga', yoga for dogs was demonstrated.when i read this newsitem out to a friend he jokingly said "yoga has now really gone to the dogs!".

and this summer between april 29 and 30,pooja sathe,24 years,is conducting an action packed summer canine camp at nagathane on the pune- mumbai express highway.most pet owners don't travel as a family and generally one person stays behind to look after the dogs.pooja figured out that if their pets could accompany them dog owners would be happy and everyone will have a nice time together. a win-win situation.cost is rs 500 for the dog and an extra rs 1500 per person.including stay for one night at the kamath residency.

and what's in it for the dogs? dogs are walked,trained to overcome hurdles,crawl through tunnels,play on fly ball machines,do frisbee and ball throwing and trekking and racing.a vet will be in attendance.and additional attractions thrown in are a swimming pool for dogs and lectures on pet photography for the escorts. bow wow!

i should call pooja sathe and suggest she enlists the services of a yoga teacher too. for dog yoga. doga.

BEING CYRUS TODIWALA,MBE

he is the owner and ceo(chef executive officer) of cafe spice namaste restaurant group wellknown for its original and novel approach to indian cuisine.six years ago,cyrus was awarded the mbe for his outstanding contribution to the restaurant and catering industry.in 1998 he had written a runaway successful book titled 'cafe spice namaste'.cyrus is a strong environmentalist and cooks with organic products as far as possible.considered to be the most creative chef working in indian cuisine today,cyrus has developed his own brand of blending ageold culinary techniques of india with surprisingly new and exotic ingredients.his restaurant in the uk has won numerous awards.he is a strong believer in people performance and believes in learning throughout life and considers training in restaurants like a religion.

he has come up with with innovative recipes for his cafe spice namaste in london."scallops with ginger and garlic" and "thoran with dahi bhaath" to maintain the balance.englishmen whose food is bland anyway,have gone ga-ga over cyrus and his hot and low fat curries.incorporating principles of ayurveda to make eating indian food a rich and rewarding experience.cyrus,who regularly features in bbc shows is a bit sceptical though of ayurvedic practioners "who will grab your wrist,check your pulse and tell you what to have for dinner".those who want to experience a 'khana mein twist',flock to his restaurants."if there is a god,the canteen in heaven will be run by Cyrus Todiwala."

british food enthusiasts have been recceiving dollops of advice from cyrus. they love his 'thought for food'.

Being Cyrus

homi adjania must have drawn inspiration from spike jonez.'being john malkovich' with john cusack in the leading role and 'being cyrus' share similar sounding titles and a story that is off the beaten track.stark and at times weird.parsis are not a normal lot.i believe that they all have some kink in them.and who would know better than homi himself.the debutante director,tells us a morbid story of a disjointed parsi family.

saif ali khan(cyrus mistry) had a terrible childhood.both he and his sister too.the trauma has remained and manifests itself at a later stage in the most unexpected and gruesome manner.cold blooded double murder.killing an unsuspecting old man who was getting fond of the killer was a shocker.and then taking the gun and shooting the headlights out of boman irani(farokh) with vengeance.

sculptor naseeruddin shah(dinshaw sethna) and wife dimple kapadia(katy) live in panchgani.in a huge bungalow they have inherited.naseer is hooked on to charas.and lives in a world of his own.his wife has an ongoing affair with her own brother-in-law boman irani(farokh) who lives in mumbai with her father-in-law(honey chhaya).enters saif(cyrus) into their lives.and thereafter their lives are turned upside down.he comes from jamshedpur and ostensibly wants to learn pottery from the sculptor guru but his attention is always drifting to the curvaceous dimple who wants the young man to explore her without any inhibitions.boman,simone singh and honey chhaya live in a parsi colony and the parsi culture and their eccentricities have all been brilliantly photographed by jehangir choudhury.the old man has pots of money,but is very parsi-monius and is confined to the four walls of his room by the son,and 'pappa' is abused by boman physically and verbally.honey is terrorised by boman to the extent that when saif is sent by dimple to hand over some gifts to the father-in-law,he refuses to open the door to let him in.gradually saif wins his confidence.he gives him chocolates which the old man is dying to have and which boman and simone hate because he overeats them and then suffers from dysentry and they have to clean up the mess.boman and saif start hating each other instantaneously.during his next visit cyrus gets a bottle of scotch for the old man.they enjoy each other's company.and then the shock.cyrus kills the old man in cold blood.jabbing a knife into the stomach of a kind and unsuspecting victim.

the comedy part of the film is in the incident when boman's neighbour,a fat parsi lady,finds her dog kicked by boman.in typical parsi style,they trade charges with all the expletives and finally the lady throws a stone at boman's car smashing his windshield glass.boman irani's acting is superb and the unknown and unheard parsi lady did a good job too.

simone singh is under shackles due to a tyrannical husband boman.she feels liberated once boman steps out for office and she undresses and has a gala time in privacy smoking and drinking.and generally relaxing which would be taboo with boman irani around.she takes boman to a parsi bonesetter after the smashoff with the parsi neighbour results in some muscle pull.next in line for the bonesetter's attention is the police inspector manoj pahwa and a subtle warmth develops between the two.little does one know that this police inspector was ultimately going to solve the murder riddle.at least in his own way.the real murderer goes scot free and the panchgani couple are on the block.when questioned by the crude police inspector, naseer doesn't seem to know what on earth was going on.dimple's histrionics are a bit excessive but it doesn't convince the police inspector.he has already solved the murder mystery.nasseer and dimple have killed the old man and the brother-in-law.all evidences left behind cleverly manipulated by saif point the finger squarely at the couple.

human mind it is said is like a monkey's.here it is shown like a monster's.childhood memories of hunger and deprivation and abuse manifest in the most gruesome acts later in life.why did cyrus kill the old man? did katy really give him all that cash to finish him off? or did cyrus find the abuse by farokh too much for the old man.anyway he would not live long in such conditions and so why not put an end to his misery.some euthanasia.and why did he bludgeon farokh.because he was unfaithful to his wife simone singh who, i suspect is cyrus's sister,which does not come out clearly in the movie.what did cyrus really accomplish? besides wiping out the sethna family.nothing.simone has advertised in the newspaper for a life partner.that pisses him off. he leaves.and that is the end.

saif matures as a star.dimple,a granny in real life,shows that bobby was not a flash in the pan.talented naseeruddin acts effortlessly.manoj pahwa's humour is a bit crass.honey who plays the role of the senior sethna detested by both his sons,speaks english with a marathi accent.his acting was brilliant but his pronounciation was,i thought,unparsilike.

homi adjania has exhibited some of his special skills.homi is an expert scuba diver and that he used to great effect in the water scenes.he has targetted a niche audience.the investment on the film has been about rs 2.5 crores.i am told that the box office has already registered a collection of rs 2 crores.an unusual film,no songs,no dishum-dishum.story line-complicated,complex,convoluted.but then here is a parsi making a picture on a parsi family.he has done it in a most unconventional manner.it has made an impact on the audience and it has had the desired effect.

Sunshine in the Dark

our friend g has been involved with a school for the handicapped for many years now.on 31st of last month, the school called S P J Sadhana School for the developmentally handicapped put up a fine fundraising show at the Taj Ballroom.31 years old,the school has 125 children on its rolls.principal ms gaitonde and her staff are doing extraordinary work in trying to bring these children into the mainstream.the sponsors of this glittering show were tata steel and indian hotels.

top tata honchos were all present including ratan tata and dr jamshed irani.ratan tata released a book titled 'sunshine in the dark'. the programme was a roaring success.the hall was jam packed with the creme de la creme of mumbai with their spouses in tow.there was a band in attendance and the psychedelic lighting with drinks flowing like water created a frolic ambience.the programme began with a musical number composed by g and she was also the leading actor and singer accompanied by three mentally challenged children.i never realised that she has such a good voice.she sang and danced like a professional.the audience was very appreciative and gave her a loud applause at the completion of her songdance.

then while the extravaganza choreographed unleashed by shiamak davar began, the 'starters' started arriving with everyone hoping for a good hearty meal and hailing 'bon appetit' with all the 'joy de vivre'.we all sat in predetermined places chosen by g around circular dining tables named after different herbal plants.i was given the 'oregano' table while i watched quite amused at the adjoining table aptly named 'ginger'.with ratan and doc along with g's hubby gopalakrishnan seated.food was western and i got a rissotto pasta and spinach followed by a nice bowl of fruits.it was an evening enjoyably spent.there must have been about 500 people or more.at 2000rs per head,g must have made a neat collection for her school and their cause.with everything under the sunshine being sponsored there was no room for any darkness.practically the entire collection must have gone to the corpus.fundraising is an art.s can learn a few lessons.